Friday, January 7, 2011

I want(ed) to be an ostrich

Started this a couple of days ago...just now finishing and publishing...

Just for today, I want to be an ostrich.  I want to stick my head in a hole and just not think or see anything.  I know its a terrible attitude to have, but at the moment I am just feeling very overwhelmed.  As usual, there are a lot of if/and/buts floating around in our family.  I am not complaining about that.  I am thankful for the blessings that have put us in these if/and/but situations.  Its just that today, for one day, I am overwhelmed with it all.  Oh and then you can throw in the overly emotional aspect of being pregnant.  Heck, maybe I just need a good cry.  The whirlwind that is our life just has me feeling so many different things:  excitement, fear, anxiety, dread (but thankfully not dead), and a weird combination of happy/sad all at once. 

In the coming weeks, my husband will start a new job and the training will pretty much require me to be a single mom for the next 16 or so weeks.  My husband will be around (thankfully) but will be distracted and rightfully so.  We are also not sure if we can stay in our current county, so we are putting our house on the market in the coming weeks.  I need to go through pretty much everything in our house and decide if it should go to storage, be given away or sold, or if it should stay in the house because we will need the item to function at home.  Have I mentioned that I work full time? 

This past week has been dedicated to getting the house prepared to go on the market.  I can't take credit for much of this activity at all.  The majority of credit goes to my husband and my mom.  I can't bend/reach/etc very well, I can't paint (fumes bad for baby), and by the time I get home from work I tend to be pretty useless (or at least feel that way). 

On Wednesday, we had two different people come to our house.  One came to service our heating unit.  That wasn't fun.  He turned off the gas to the unit, checked it, and then informed us that he couldn't turn the gas back on to the unit because it would be a huge liability for him, his company, and us.  He aslo informed us that we might have been breathing in a little carbon monoxide for a while now.  Great.  Oh...and it was $710 to fix the little problem the NEXT day, which mean we spent an entire day without heat in the house.  Stepping out of the shower and int 57 degree air was kind of harsh!  The countertop guy came out and let us know that it was going to be twice what our agent told us to refinish our countertops.  This isn't necessary, but would be helpful withe selling our house.  Then, I lost it.  I am an emotional girl and apparently growing another emotional girl.  The tears just kind of hit me and wouldn't stop.  I kept trying to tell myself to suck it up, but that didn't work.  I talked to my boss and took the rest of the day off. 

Thursday morning rolled around and life was ok.  I know things could be so much worse.  We have a house that is now well heated and we haven't died of carbon monoxide poisonging.  Yeah, things could be so much worse.  These things are minor and I know that...but my emotions didn't.  Life goes on. 

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