Tuesday nights are always uncertain around our house. Mema usually takes Kale to a family dinner at my aunt's house. About once a month, Ep fishes a Tuesday night tournament. Thus, about once a month, I have a Tuesday night to myself. Sometimes I go to my aunts, other times I go out running errands.
Tonight, I ran errands. I stayed out late, and Kale went to bed before I got home. So, that left me to either pump or know that I would start leaking milk before morning. Hmmm...pump or have a big wet spot in the bed...yep, I got out the pump.
On the way home tonight, I was thinking about our experience with Kale at Children's on THAT day. It will always be THAT day. November 5th will always be THAT day. I was thinking about how I still have not connected with anyone who has a child who has experienced what Kale experienced. I know God will send me a person to talk to about it...I just don't know when. I know that until then, he is still letting me prepare myself for that.
So, now that I have typed two full paragraphs, let me tell you the meat of this post. There is a new show out. It started two weeks ago on a Thursday night. Its a medical drama, yet reality based. Its real, its true. Sounds like a show for me. I programmed the DVR to record the first episode. Then, before I had the chance to watch it, I successfully managed to delete it. Ugh. I was SO frustrated. So, I recorded the second episode last week...and when I started pumping, I turned on the tv to watch a bit of it. Everyone but me is asleep in our house.
Within the first five minutes of the show, do you want to guess what one of the story lines was about? A baby...with a heart arrthymia...a heart beating faster than it was supposed to...at 240+ beats a minute (Kale's went higher than that)...a mom being told to walk out of the room because they are sure she doesn't want to see her baby get shocked. The nurses assure her that it would be traumatic for her. I wanted to scream at the tv...NO REALLY, YOU THINK SO??? So the mom of a three month old little boy left the room with tears running down her face. They showed the baby being shocked. Of course I watched. How could I not. My child experienced that at least 3 times. I needed to know what it looked like. Maybe when it happened to Kale, it looked worse, but really...what theys showed wasn't as bad as what my imagination had created. Then the doctor said "in most of these cases, we never know what caused the arrythmia and after we shock, the arrythmia goes away and never returns." Again, I wanted to yell at the tv...."Ok, maybe most, but not ALL cases do!" And then I just sat there and tried my best to focus through my tears.
I have no idea why tonights thoughts were there and then followed by seeing that specific episode (there were other recorded shows I could have chosen). But I know it happened that way for a purpose. I know, that if I seek it out long enough, I WILL find a way to help this struggle end on a positive note. Its very rare that a struggle finds me without me finding a way to make a positive spin on it. I refuse to let this struggle be the exception.
I want to know how that little boy is doing now. I will do what I can to seek that out. That is the closest case I know about to Kale's. That baby might not have WPW...but I want to know what has happened since that happened to him. I want to know how his mom is doing with it all. I am always seeking information on this...and can never seem to find much at all. I feel like I go in a circle with it. Maybe, just maybe, this is a new branch off of that circle. Even if I don't find out anything about that little boy, its somewhat soothing to know we aren't alone in this experience....that other babies and parents have walked this path ahead of us...or with us...or a similar path...and come out of it ok.
Ok, thats all I have...my brain is done for the night. Sorry to have such a serious and possibly heart wrenching post. But, this is Fletcherville...and we keep it real here! :)