Last week, my posting came to an abrupt halt. Maybe you didn't notice, simply because I have previously gone longer than a week before between posts. Usually, when I go quiet, there is a very stark reason. It varies somewhere between being too angry to form words, too hurt to make sense, or just being asked to "keep it quiet". Last week, my silence was an angry silence.
I got angry. Nothing new there. A long time ago, my dad tried to teach me that sometimes its really best to keep my mouth shut. I am pretty sold on the idea that he thinks I wasn't listening to him during any of the 39,528 times he tried to teach me that lesson. Guess what dad, I was listening. I just wasn't good at practicing what you were preaching...that took time and HUGE learning curve. I have learned my dad was right--sometimes you really do learn a lot more by keeping your mouth shut and you have a lot fewer messes to clean up if you don't run your mouth when you are angry. If you don't believe me on that one, just ask my mom about that time she told my brother to "swallow it, fart it". For those of you who don't know, my mom just now fell out of her chair when she read that. Ok, back to me. Because its all about me....or maybe not. Either way, I was angry.
I wrote a post about why I was angry. I smartly saved it and sent it to a friend for editing. I trust this friend with my son, which is essentially saying that I trust this friend with my life. I asked for her two cents. She gave it. I meant to go in and make some edits and then publish. I guess I was too tired to follow through with that intention.
All to often in the past year, I have wanted to post things here...and haven't. I have let others censor me. I have let trying to keep the peace censor me. I have let trying not to offend others censor me. I think, for the most part, I am mostly done with that. However, please know that I don't set out to intentionally hurt, offend, or embarrass someone when I write things here...ok, well, most of the time. So, in the future, if you read here...know this: I will be writing again from my heart and my head. I will continue to respect the wishes of one person in regards to my blogging: my husband. I won't be sharing nude pics of our son (no matter how cute and innocent they may be) and I won't be writing about things that are shared in confidence by my husband.
And as for that post I wrote and have yet to publish. It might eventually show up. It will remain with its original date, so it won't come to the front of the line. It will merely step in line between the original posts around which it was created.
Wow. That felt good. Moving on...