Sunday, February 21, 2010

Wishing, Hoping, Praying

Thats me today. Wishing, Hoping, Praying. The only thing is, I don't know which way to wish, hope, and pray. Ugh.

Kale has his annual cardiology check up tomorrow. There is nothing to be nervous about and we know the process. We will go to clinic, check in, and wait our turn. We will be called back to do a check of weight, height, pulse/blood pressure (which usually won't work on him because he won't be still long enough) and then we also move on to the EKG room. It takes me longer to get him undressed/redressed and them to hook him up than it takes for them to run the entire EKG. Usually, after the EKG, we get to go to an exam room and wait to see the doctor. On all previous clinic visit, we have had to do a 24hr Holter monitor, which is a monitor that Kale wears while 3 leads are stuck to his skin...for 24 hours. I was thoroughly relieved when they said we didn't have to do that this time because I wasn't sure how I was going to keep him from peeling those leads off and just ditching the entire monitor! Whew!

This time, its the part of talking to the doctor that has me anxious and not knowing which way to wish, hope, and pray. I have talked about this to both Ep and my mom. They get it.

We have reached the age of 2, which is where the stats say 30% of WPW patients outgrow the condition. So, this is the appointment where we find out if he has outgrown his WPW or not.

On one hand, if he has outgrown the WPW, then he won't have a possible surgery lingering in his future and we all go on about life as though nothing was ever wrong with his heart. Or so it woudl seem, but can anyone really gaurantee that it will never reappear? I worry that it would show back up later in childhood or adulthood, which is actually when most cases appear for the first time anyway.

On the other hand, if he has not outgrown the WPW, then he will most likely have an ablation surgery performed somewhere between the ages of 5-9 and this surgery has a 90-98% (depending on who you ask) rate of success. As long as Kale fit into the success group, then he (and we) would NEVER have to worry about him going into SVT ever again.

So, I don't know how to hope, wish, and pray. I want to direct my prayers for the right thing. I don't want to seem faithless. I also don't want to ever again be at the hospital with Kale in uncontrollable SVT. I know God covered him that day and that He continues to cover him daily. Its my poor mommy brain that is out of control. What if this, what if that...ugh. I feel equally torn between wanting to be told that Kale is WPW free and told that its still there, silently existing in his heart and threatening to cause SVT when we least expect it. At the moment, both have their bright and dark spots in my mind. Of course, my mind is currently clouded with anxious mommy worry, so I may not be making any sense at all. I know this.

And in typing all this out, it hit me. Just hope, wish, and pray that whatever happens is best for Kale and his future. I think I will go with that! If you would pray for that, then it would be even better!

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