Sunday, October 12, 2008

Rambling and its been a year

Wheee, I scored the computer again tonight. Even better, I figured out how to make the European keyboard act like an American one! yippee!

I promise to ramble in this there is your warning.

A year ago yesterday, I was put on home bedrest by my obstetrician. Wow, can't believe that its been a year. Oct 17 will be a year since I managed to flunk home bedrest and Oct 20 will be year since Kale was quickly brought into the world. I really don't know where the year went. Well, I went to bottles, middle of the nights, naps, wearing baby puke, playing, learning to sit, learning to crawl, working, teething, and learning that no matter how hard you try not to miss are going to miss something. Its been a year of trying to figure out how to process what happened and wading through the delayed emotions. Its been a year that led to me realizing that my God is a loving God...and that I can figure out that I am angry with Him for allowing so many difficult things to happen to my baby boy...only to be led down a path that has me contemplating how God does control everything but that sometimes he does not get in the way of bad things happening because then we would not have free will and love and other such things. I am still trying to figure all of that out. At the same time, I have realized that just as quickly as I discovered I was angry with God...that the emotion has changed....and now its just more of a feeling of being let down or disapointed somehow. I still have the guilt and frustration that comes with the situation I experienced....there is no rhyme or reason to the condition that ailed me...there is no exact there is always this nagging notion that maybe I somehow caused it to happen. That is a hard thing to carry and I have carried it for a year now. I am trying to let it go, but its not like an object you can just put down. The important part is that I am trying. Its also been a year of finding a church home and getting to know someone that can help talk me through some of this. Its also been a year of fighting my emotions. Still, as I sit here now, I am fighting them. I know I should let my emotions flow, and that when they do...oh boy, stay out of my way because I will be a mess. I need a good cry, but somehow there is never a good time to just let myself cry it out. Even here, with a huge body of water and half a world separating me from EVERYTHING on this earth that is important to me, I still have not found the time to just let it all go. I will, eventually.

Now, changing oh man...its pretty here. There is HUGE church about 200 feet from my hotel window and during the day it has the amazing background of the Tatra mountains. There is a flower garden in the patio at this hotel that my mom would love to have. I have taken pictures for her. Its a nice and relaxing setting. My job here is mainly to observe, and that is what I did today. It is what I will do again tomorrow. Tuesday will be a day of visiting a field project here in Slovakia while also moving south to attend the next event. I will be coming home in five feels like forever....and feels like I have been here forever...and reminds me of how MUCH sympathy/empathy/respect I have for missionaries, soldiers, and anyone else who has to travel away from their normal life...

Tomorrow is our second wedding anniversary. Ep and I have been together for nine years, but only married for seems like longer than that...last year, since I was on bedrest we could not go out and celebrate...this year, I am in Slovakia and he is in Kentucky. There is always next year...

Given my October last year...and my October this year, I might just go into hiberation with my family next October! :)

I have some news about Kale....I have managed to talk to my family every day thanks to Skype. Oh, God BLESS the person who created Skype! Anyway, back to Kale. He currently knows how to climb up a stair (everything at my mom's house is only one stair, so no worries about him falling down a staircase). However, he has NOT figured out how to climb down a stair. Word is that he will let you know when he is up on the stair and wants down....hmmmm, wonder how he does that...yelling maybe??? :) Surely not. Its been reported that he has also discovered the toilet paper in the bathroom....and that if you mess with it enough, it unrolls. Oh goody. When I talk to him on the phone, its a one way conversation...he just wants to play with the phone, but when he hears my voice he starts looking for me...he just hasn't figured the phone thing out yet. Mom said she has been showing him my which he replies Da-Da. Great. Maybe he is wondering why momma is in the picture but not DaDa? Who knows. Its also been reported that he has asked for me...which makes me want to yell at the top of my lungs...I will be home, I love you, I miss you....and I just might not ever leave you behind again!!!!! :)

I also heard that my mother in law, Ryn, got some good news from the doctor. So, it seems they will continue to be "crusers" and get to go on the month long cruise to the Panama Canal. So, that makes me happy for them.

Ok, maybe that is enough for now. I hope everyone else is doing good. Send me an email...its much appreciated!!!!

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